Frozen Dreams

Freedom of expression, gracefulness, outburst of passion, the sense of excitement and fulfilment.

These words came to me when I saw this picture. Those words best describe the days when I performed on stage with the freedom of expression, to do something that I really enjoy with tremendous satisfaction that no words can describe. After thinking for awhile, I really miss those days where I performed on stage, dancing freely and joyfully. This is one passion that's been hidden and frozen for many years.... many many years.... It's no wonder that recently, I am feeling something missing... I did what I have to do daily, but still a part of me is still not fulfilled....

At the age of 7, I picked up ballet and was exposed to this form of dance. There was a selection for different ECA, I was selected to join ballet. My dance teacher saw the potential in me and trained me right from Primary 1. I always look forward to school not because of studies but because of my ECA then. To do something that I can excel and enjoy is really a blessing itself. I do not have to worry or be fearful like my peers because the passion and the enjoyment just propels me to practice beyond the time that was required. I began to excel and performed at different places beyond school's stage.

After 4 years of dancing, my dance teacher recommended me to learn outside so that I can be certified. There might be a possibility to pursue further in this area since I have the gifting and talents. She persuaded my parents and encouraged them for me to learn outside where professional ballet teacher can coach me but they declined as I was learning piano and the fees was already too high to manage. At the age of 11, I have in mind what to pursue for my career and vocation-- music and dance. At the age of 5, unlike many children who were forced by their parents to learn music, dance or be involved in other activities, I was a kid who actually told my parents what I want to learn. Maybe you might think that I was a very driven kid but I would say that I am quite certain since young in the area that I really enjoy and which area I can really derive joy from. That's why I was determined, even to the extent of going beyond the constraints.

I love my parents very much but it was really a regret that I could not pursue further in Ballet when my request was declined. I dun usually give up easily when I am committed to a cause, especially when I know I have found my niche.

Before I come to know God, in my loneliest days, it was dance and music which accompanied through my lowest moment. By nature, I am someone who seldom express myself vulnerably through words, it through music and dance where I can fully express my emotions, thoughts, joy and unhappy moments. It is also an avenue to vent my anger without having the fear of being judged by anyone. It's through these forms of arts that reveal my vulnerable side of me. Maybe not everyone can identify fully with me or perhaps it is too profound.

The dream of setting up a music and dance school crashed at the age of 11. The dream of becoming a pianist or a piano teacher crashed at the age of 18 when I stopped pursuing diploma in music. Till now, the hurt is still there. I can't lie to myself that music and dance are not my passion. God has given me these talents for a purpose. Hope to revive it, someday that it will be thawed and revived.

The day will come.