A faith that can live Yes or No with Him

Can I leave things with God when there’s nothing that I can do?
Can I leave things with God once I have done my duty?
Can I live with bad results? Or will I only accept good results from God?
When the results are not what I am looking for, can I still leave it with Him? Or do I only trust God when the results are good?
How Big is God to me?
Will I trust only when He keeps giving the right answer?
Can I really trust God when the result is the wrong one?



No model ans to the above. I just want to have a faith to live with Yes or No with God. That’s faith, that’s my commitment to Jesus

Facilitation Certification Interview in less than 12 hrs

In less than 12 hrs, I will be going for my facilitation certification interview. Having been working in RP for 2yrs and 5 months, this will be another milestone in my career in the educational field.

Some of my colleagues ask if i am getting nervous, amazingly, I am not nervous at all. Maybe tml before going into the room I will be? :P

As I was reading my portfolio which I submitted 4 months ago for this certification, I was reminded once again on why am I doing what I am doing. It brought back many sweet memories with my classes and valuable lessons that I have learnt. Sometimes due to the hustle and bustle of life and the many demands to meet, I have inevitably forget the reason why I am here, this portfolio as well as the teaching philsophy statement serves as a good reminder and enable me to revisit many fundamental core beliefs that I hold on to even till now. It so refreshing to be reminded once again on what education really mean especially when I get to learn more in my current part-time masters at NIE.

As for the certification, I see it more as part of the process in my career in education. I dun have to prove to anyone how good I am , just have to be authentic and verbalise what I believe in and the experiences that I have encountered & areas to improve. I guess this is the assurance and the peace from God to just do my best and what is right in His eye. I want to experience God like how I experienced Him in the many interviews that I have been through. The confidence that is not from myself but in Him is a super good feeling!

Due the high "failure" rate and big ego that I have, I used to hold onto a lot that I must die die get it through for the first time and it shall also be my last time. But now, I see it in a very different light, whether I will be certified is secondary now. I will go with a heart to share about my experiences and also my learnings to the panel. As for the outcome, I shall leave it to God. :)


Joyce's personal teaching philosophy statement: (an abstract from my portfolio for this certification)

"I can briefly summarise my belief into three components which is seeing the value of stirring the head, heart and soul of individual learners.

In the past, like some of my students, I used to dislike thinking and was not able to recognize the value and importance of good thinking skills. Having been through the experience that I had, I recognise the importance of having a sound mind, developing good reasoning and analytical thinking skills. The realisation has enabled me to learn better and hence become a more developed individual. I draw a parallel to my past experience to what some of my student are going through that many a times it is not so much that they do not want to learn but they do not know how to. It is not so much of telling them what to think but guiding and providing opportunity to let them learn how to. As I reflect on how I have a breakthrough in my own personal learning, I am convicted that it is possible to see our students having the ability and potential to be life-long learners and also to develop their thinking skills. Having said that, my fundamental role is to provide and create environment that will harness individual’s potential, like a designer but not a “controller”. Setting an exemplary lifestyle as thinker will help me to grow and develop more as a facilitator. As the saying goes, “Thinking facilitators develops thinking students”.

In order to stir the heart of my students, there is a need to be sensitive to their feelings where students feel safe yet it is challenging enough to trigger them to think. To elaborate a little more on this aspect, basically, it is for me to understand how they feel in a learning environment which includes inter-personal interaction at different level in class, within a team and 1-1 level and how these interactions help to enhance the learning process. Firstly, I value knowing and connecting interpersonally with each student in my class, especially asking each individual about his/her thoughts, activities and opinions during the meetings. As a result of the rapport and connection established, it helps to create an environment where some students including those who were quite passive and quiet to become more willing to share their opinions and views. At the end of the semester, they see a positive change of themselves, identifying their hidden strengths and have a glimpse of what learning actually mean that it is not a chore but it can be a joy, something which some have never experienced before.

While stirring the head involves the mind and heart involves being sensitive to learner’s concerns and needs, stirring the soul to me means to see them come to terms with the importance of learning and eventually to grow in maturity in their understanding and applying what they have learnt to their daily living."

Seasons of my life then and now

What is the season that I am currently at?

I have to be aware of the season that God is bringing me now and identify the areas that I can grow in.

I am really thankful for a new care group that I am currently leading and the privilege of taking care of God's flock. I am very excited though initially I was quite apprenhensive. God's assurance of growth and to wait in expectancy for greater things to happen in His timing has rather strong and a constant reminder and motivation for me to do my best in taking care and being faithful to the people that He has entrusted under my care.

This is going to be a very challenging year for me. The season that I am currently going through is very different from 3 years ago. 3 years ago the decision to quit my first job, to stay back in Tertiary ministry and serve is a memorable chapter in my journey with Christ, this is a significant chapter, one that I will never ever forget of what God has done during that season of my life. This chapter finished well. :)

I can remember vividly a sharing by a brother that when He prayed for me, God wants to assure me that all along the years ever since coming to know Him, He has BLESSED, PROTECTED and PRESERVED me. Yes and I can testify that I have been blessed and protected by God in many ways. Blessed with physical & spiritual family who love me a lot, blessed financially, blessed in my inner being and my walk with God, blessed in my ministry and the fruits due to the outcome of obedience by His grace and many countless e.gs. God has protected & preserved this heart of mine which has the potential to fail & many time it does fail to love, fail to perservere, fail to believe. But He has believed in me and preserved me all this while and because of that I cannot help but to be grateful to Him. I want to continue to do my best to honour God and please Him. I am assured that my Father in heaven will continue to protect, bless and preserve me. :)

So what about now? I shared to my spiritual mentor about the issues and areas that I am trying to make sense of currently. This period is quite tormenting for me emotionally as I have difficulty making sense of what I am going through but I have to learn to be patient cos God will slowly help me to understand why He is bringing me through this emotionally draining period.

This is a season of a challenging lifestyle. It is an opportunity for me to grow to another level of managing my life -- work, part-time studies, ministry, family & relationship with people & business planning With the limited time I have, I have to learnt to be more discipline with lesser amount of time as compared to others to utilise what I have to the maximum. I have to adjust to a new lifestyle, I have the assurance that with good management of my time, it is very possible to be adapted to these challenges and God is with me in these.

God help me to be a good steward of what you have placed in my life. I want to do my best @ work, in my studies, ministry and spend quality time with my family and friends.

Season 2009: enjoy my studies, be a good testimony @ work & @ home (experience breakthroughs at home!), take good care of YG 1 care group and growth (quality & quantity), female discipleship & quality shpdg, biz planning, development of Events dept (Ops ministry for Uni-YA group) and most imptly to grow in my relationship with God (knowing Him at a deeper level and experience His empowerment in ever facet of my life!)

Anticipating with great EXPECTANCY in 2009!

Some thoughts & Preparation for DIY popiah party

Have been thinking about something & even had nightmares about it.. Been bothered for many days and it sort of intensified during these period. I am in the midst of making sense of it, perhaps it is not something that God wants me to make sense now?.... Relying on Him and anchoring my emotions in Him.

These 2 months have been rather stretched period for me.. I can still remember vividly that I even experienced the intensity to such a great extent that's beyond me and the loneliness in fighting the battles was horrible. Thank God that I have Him that He never fail to comfort and strengthen me when I need help and guidance. Man might fail but God never. When I am alone with the many issues to handle, people to counsel, deadlines to meet, projects to handle beyond my limitations & when I needed support the most, He is the One who's been with me and He is in control. Seriously speakly, I am really very tired physically & emotionally in these 2 months but spiritually alive cos of Jesus. Dear Jesus, Thank you. :)

Currently, in the midst of preparation for my department's Popiah Party for tomorrow! It's my 7th time doing catering, with not much publicity and at ad-hoc basis, I think God really blessed me via word of mouth where people approached to taste my dad's and my cooking. This is a mini-project that I have embarked ever since last July to gather feedback on home-cooked food & new recipes before going full fledge into this biz. There's one catering project each month which is quite manageable for me as I am currently working full time, part-time studying and managing different aspect of my life like ministry and family time. When I think about it, I realised that I have grown in multi-tasking skills and capacity to manage stress and more things. God answered my prayer to increase my capacity to love (am stretched during this period to be patient and love despite that it's difficult) & He has added new skill sets so that I can be effective and efficient. I want to live my life with greater effectiveness and efficiency to accomplish more for the Kingdom, to impact and to influence more.

Next week will be a good break for me, on leave for 2 days! Looking forward to this retreat where I can finally plan my year and set specific short-term goals for my long term plan.

Reflection and meditation on Galatians 5

From the recent Unit Meeting where we meditated on Galatians 5, God brought me to deeper insights and spoke to me about what it means to be free in Christ and to live by the Spirit.

Initially when I was reading Gal 5, there were many thoughts and questions in my mind. I was asking God that many times the options available to lead a godly life are limited. So how then can this be freedom? I was quite confused but it becomes clearer as I meditated and related it to my journey with Him.

Freedom to many people is to be able to do whatever we want. I used to have that mindset as well. That is freedom in some sense but usually it end up with disappointments and unfulfilment. Have you ever experience that before?

True freedom in Christ is not what the world thinks and believe as it is coupled with obedience sometimes even sacrifice at the point of submission but the aftertaste of the inner peace, joy and satisfaction as well as assurance from God is the real freedom that truly sets me free from my selfish carnal nature and bondage of sins.

Gal 1:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves by burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

Have a taste of what it means to receive freedom in Christ today! :)

Frozen Dreams

Freedom of expression, gracefulness, outburst of passion, the sense of excitement and fulfilment.

These words came to me when I saw this picture. Those words best describe the days when I performed on stage with the freedom of expression, to do something that I really enjoy with tremendous satisfaction that no words can describe. After thinking for awhile, I really miss those days where I performed on stage, dancing freely and joyfully. This is one passion that's been hidden and frozen for many years.... many many years.... It's no wonder that recently, I am feeling something missing... I did what I have to do daily, but still a part of me is still not fulfilled....

At the age of 7, I picked up ballet and was exposed to this form of dance. There was a selection for different ECA, I was selected to join ballet. My dance teacher saw the potential in me and trained me right from Primary 1. I always look forward to school not because of studies but because of my ECA then. To do something that I can excel and enjoy is really a blessing itself. I do not have to worry or be fearful like my peers because the passion and the enjoyment just propels me to practice beyond the time that was required. I began to excel and performed at different places beyond school's stage.

After 4 years of dancing, my dance teacher recommended me to learn outside so that I can be certified. There might be a possibility to pursue further in this area since I have the gifting and talents. She persuaded my parents and encouraged them for me to learn outside where professional ballet teacher can coach me but they declined as I was learning piano and the fees was already too high to manage. At the age of 11, I have in mind what to pursue for my career and vocation-- music and dance. At the age of 5, unlike many children who were forced by their parents to learn music, dance or be involved in other activities, I was a kid who actually told my parents what I want to learn. Maybe you might think that I was a very driven kid but I would say that I am quite certain since young in the area that I really enjoy and which area I can really derive joy from. That's why I was determined, even to the extent of going beyond the constraints.

I love my parents very much but it was really a regret that I could not pursue further in Ballet when my request was declined. I dun usually give up easily when I am committed to a cause, especially when I know I have found my niche.

Before I come to know God, in my loneliest days, it was dance and music which accompanied through my lowest moment. By nature, I am someone who seldom express myself vulnerably through words, it through music and dance where I can fully express my emotions, thoughts, joy and unhappy moments. It is also an avenue to vent my anger without having the fear of being judged by anyone. It's through these forms of arts that reveal my vulnerable side of me. Maybe not everyone can identify fully with me or perhaps it is too profound.

The dream of setting up a music and dance school crashed at the age of 11. The dream of becoming a pianist or a piano teacher crashed at the age of 18 when I stopped pursuing diploma in music. Till now, the hurt is still there. I can't lie to myself that music and dance are not my passion. God has given me these talents for a purpose. Hope to revive it, someday that it will be thawed and revived.

The day will come.

I am a human not a machine

Today's stormy and rainy weather best describe how I have been feeling for the past 3 days. Like running a marathon, I have come to the last lap before this chapter of operational ministry ends. Somehow, I think I am really tired physically and emotionally, to some extent that affects my spiritual health as well.

I have not been feeling well since sat and today, hate the feeling of being physically weak and a mind that cannot focus and think properly. I realise that my health has deteroriated ever since early this year largely due to stress, fast pace and demanding lifestyle that I faced for past 1 yr plus. If given a choice, I wouldn't want to live my life this way. Dislike that fact that my family has to be worried for me when I fall ill, dislike the experience of not able to stay healthy and lead a more productive life. Why must I fall sick again and again?

Yesterday afternoon, I had a good catch up with some of my peers from the adults group. It was a fruitful time of learning about missions and also their experience in courtship. The sharing by a brother who went to Kenya for short term missions trip was insightful and I gained a new perspective about church planting. Based on his sharing, I admired that heart and the conviction of the church planters. Though I do not know them personally, they must have a very deep conviction from God, burden and love for the people to stay and impact in a culture that's not favourable, a place where the conscience of majority is seared. They have been there for 4 yours, with 8 members in the CG who have never said a word of appreciation to them (FYI, that's common in their culture to take things for granted). Two criteria were given by the church planters to those who are interested in missions in Kenya. Firstly one has to be strong emotionally, if discourage easily, please do not go there. Secondly, a prayerful lifestyle. I really agree especially on the first part, I draw a correlation on my journey of staying back that without a resilient heart and emotionally stability, there's no way one can serve effectively. Question that came to my mind while listening were, how's my love for people? Have I grown to be more loving? Am I willing to be used by God to love people unconditionally? If I cannot handle the stress and challenges locally, what makes me think that I can be ready and go church planting in future? Hard questions to evaluate my life and my love for God and people. Areas that I need to grow.

Among the people who turned up (5 of us in all), 3 are currently in courtship. They shared about their courtship experiences, the seminars and discussion meetings that they attended so far. I also get to know that relationship and finding a life partner is quite a major concern in their ministry currently. I was prompted to ask this question which have been in my mind for some time. Out of curiosity, I asked, "why do you want to find a life partner?" Each response given was different to certain extent, one said it's because of needs (A natural inclination to have someone who can shared your burden and give you support vice versa), the other bro said it's time and he felt he is ready to pursue this aspect of his life while seeking his life purpose in Christ and the sister mentioned before going into a relationship she felt she has grown to some extent, she realised about her weaknesses and how she has grown as she manage this aspect of her life. I think though different people gave different reasons why they want to find a life partner, but it falls into the category that all of us (as long as we are beings with emotions) will desire a deep relationship maybe another word to use is soul mate, one who can standby and support you. I am actually glad that most of them mentioned about extending God's kingdom as couples and with the hope that they can serve God to a greater extent than when they are single.

Interestingly, I thought my heart will feel a sense of envy but I am a proud single during the meeting. To be very frank, 1 year ago, I might feel the envy and ask God when is my turn. At the meeting, instead of anxiety and envy that I thought I might have, there's peace and assurance in my heart. I am not worried or anxious about this aspect of my life. Sometimes as I reflect and think, maybe if i were to move on 2 years ago, I might be like them now, possibly in courtship but nothing beats a journey and life that obeys God's call to learn to wait (I am speaking my personal life). If I were to move on pre-maturely knowing that God has called me to stay back, I would not be able to know and hear more from Him with regards to my life purpose. Exciting years coming ahead if my studies application approve, the possibility of realising a business plan and a new ministry that's coming ahead. Whether or not to find a life partner now is secondary, but finding my life purpose in Christ is priority. I believe eventually that aspect will also fall into place and become clearer as I continue seek my life purpose in Christ.

I am thankful to God that he preserved me in this area to learn to wait and be patient despite of very real temptations at work and the seemingly good opportunities that arises. Like what I mentioned to all my sheep, I would want to emphasise again on my conviction.

1+1 cannot be less than 2
1+1 cannot be equal to 2
1+1 MUST BE MORE than 2 (Synergy to serve God and extent KOG)
Being a single and living out a maximised life in Him is better than getting married and living a compromised life. I hope I can continue to live up my conviction. Jesus, pls continue to preserve me.